I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
