His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize