I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
