I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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