I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize