I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
