When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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