I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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