I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
