He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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