You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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