I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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