You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
