You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
