i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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