So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
