i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize