new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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