Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
