Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
