Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
