ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God, I missed his penis.
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