So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Text me some of your sweat
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
