hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
