Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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