i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
