Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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