her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
