Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
