You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
