he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
