The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
