I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
