I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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