THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
