Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
