Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
