i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
