I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
