you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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