We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
