Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I could fuck to npr.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
