The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
