Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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