...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
