Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
