i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
