I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
