every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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