I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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