did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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