And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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