okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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