i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
