Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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