Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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