This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
