heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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