she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
