i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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