Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
