I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
