The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
