Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
