I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
