Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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