I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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