There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
