so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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