Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
