Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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