i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
