do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize